I was on facebook last night and I was shocked at what I read. I went to school with a guy whom I became friends with. We weren’t close friends as I think he secretly wanted to have sex with me but he was a cool guy to hang out with and talk to on campus. We both graduated and went out separate ways. In January, his status update hinted at a broken heart and after talking with him briefly on facebook chat I found out he had recently broken up with a girl whom he was and still is head over heels in love with. He wanted her back but she decided to cut their relationship off with no explanation. He was naturally hurt, confused and just desperately wanted to talk to her to convince her that they were meant to be.
I gave him advice, I related with my own story and wished him the best. But by the end of the conversation he resolved to find a way, anyway, to get her back. I understood, it was fresh and he was in the beginning stages of the break up. I’d been there so I knew exactly where his mindset was. On January 31st he went to a bridge and tried to kill himself. He was unsuccessful and ended up in the hospital. I’m not sure how long he stayed in but he wrote about it on facebook in a note stating that he was glad he as still alive. And though he appreciated everyone’s well wishes for him, in some instances it made it worse.
I understand what he meant. Sometimes, depending on where you are on that wave of depression, words like, ‘your better off” or ” in time you will see this is a good thing’ can sometimes make everything worse. Some people are able to feel it and let it go. Other’s, especially if the person who left refuses to even meet to talk to you can just throw you right over the edge.
I remember in my journey last year, I had moments where I felt like I would just about collapse. I felt like I couldn’t go on. I blamed myself for everything, I replayed our last conversation over and over again and I dissected it for clues on how I could “win” him back. I didn’t know better but it didn’t drive me to a bridge to end it all. I look back on how I felt then and how I feel now and I have evolved and moved on in leaps and bounds from where I was before. I am excited about my present and future and he is not even a thought right now. My day is filled with so many other stimulating things happening in my day and week that I don’t have time to think about him.
I wish my former friend the best, and I pray that he won’t succumb to the temptation to try to end his life again. It goes to show, that break ups can drive people so close to the edge that some even lose their life. If your going through a break up or a really hard time in your life, please find a friend, a co-worker or if your work has a EAP program that offers counseling please take advantage of it. Your life is so important and precious. No one is worth your life.
I am glad he lived.
Till next time