I feel really sad right now. I feel sad because a new relationship is going to end soon and this time its no ones fault. He didn’t do anything. I didn’t enable anything. It was a friendship that bloomed into a dating relationship with someone who liked me as much as I liked him. Someone who is mature and not stupid. Someone I am comfortable with because he and I had a friendship first. Now I have 1 month before he moves away to embark on a new life in another country pursuing his dream career. Who am I to hold him back or make him feel guilty for pursuing is dreams and leaving me behind?
So I sit here where I can be alone and think about it. I listen as the tears roll down my cheeks, down my neck and rest quietly onto the collar of my blue shirt. I wipe them away and tell myself I am being stupid for being so emotional but that’s the “big girl” talk coming from a superficial place in my mind. The reality is why not cry? He was a friend who became more and now I have to let him go and not hold him back or place any pressure on him in any way because if the tables were turned I would want him to support me as I follow my dreams. In fact, he has and I know he always will. They have a saying for to “Love and Lose” but there isn’t one for to “like and walk away” well why is that? I wish there was one because maybe then I would feel better.
So where do I go from here? I start over I guess. I’m getting tired of the disappointment in my personal life. It’s gotten really old for me. Life is funny. My friend told me I should see this as an opportunity and stay positive. Maybe she is right. I don’t see it right now and I definetly don’t feel it. I feel sad. I feel disappointment. I feel exhausted and I feel like I wish there was someone who could make me feel better as I cry and my head starts to hurt because I’m hungry and it’s too late to eat.
This sucks alot…