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Its funny how 3 days can make such a difference. On Monday I had a crush, Thursday I feel disappointed and insecure. What is with me lately? I have no idea why I am so up and down on this emotional roller coaster. Maybe its because I feel conflicted. I want two things at once. One is happening, the other not so much. So I am down to 1 crush. I’ve changed my mind on the other, maybe even both. I think what it comes down to is fear; fear of being successful in business and alone.

There I said it. My insecurity is that I am afraid that this is whats going to happen to me. I’m 29 just starting this adventure of opening my own business and all the responsibilities and tasks that go along with being a new entrepreneur starting out. I just bought a new PC that actually works which takes a lot of stress out of photo editing and video editing. I just downloaded the trial version of this kick ass video editing program and I am currently editing that video. Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed because I am working full time, trying to market my products and making these videos plus putting aside money to buy the things I need. Not to mention I am active in my church. I had to pull back yesterday and tell the Pastor I am not staying for practice. I think I am going to withdraw from certain activities because it is becoming too much. Way too much and I am beginning to become resentful. I also need more sleep. I think all those factors play a part.

I’m just rambling. I think I need to reconcile what my heart and mind want, go with it and leave the rest to God. Because this is becoming stressful.