I have a guilty show addiction called Love and Hip Hop that one of my friends convinced me to tune in (after many, many trys) and watch. Emily, the former secret girlfriend of rapper Fabolous, stuck out as the most insecure of all the women there and Chrissy, the girlfriend of Jim Jones is the brashest (violent), and feisty of the 5 women on the show. This weeks episode, Emily and Chrissy sat over dinner as Emily shared her inner conflict over advice she got from a friend Winter (her ex-boyfriends former assistant) that even though Fab cheats she should stay because cheating comes along with the (rap) industry. I thought Chrissy would scoff at this advice and encourage her to love herself enough to not accept this and go along with the okie dokie. Instead, she agreed and added that as long as she is the main chic and Fab hides all the other women then she should chalk it up to the price you pay for living the good life.
I was floored. Emily is a successful stylist and can more than provide for herself and her two children yet, there she was entertaining advice to stay with a man who doesn’t publicly acknowledge her as his girlfriend. It got me wondering how many women are ok with being the girlfriend in secret. What could he tell her to justify not wanting to acknowledge her publicly. What kind of low self-esteem can this woman have to sit and consider it as an option instead of running for the hills?
Another thing that stuck out to me was how Winter made it seem like cheating in the rap industry was as irresistable as breathing. I’ve never understood why women accept this as a truth. Cheating is not involuntary, its a choice to disrespect the person you are committed too and selfishly follow your base lust for another person regardless of the consequences. What makes it worse is that these women offer no consequences for cheating. Instead they accept it giving a clear message that it’s okto go ahead and disrespect me because I don’t respect myself.
Throwing wealth in the mix basically adds a price, as if you are a service or item to be purchased.
“He buys me shoes, bags, pays for my new 2012 car, we live in this great big house and I have a spending account”
Sad part is, simultaneously this price that you are willing to accept, is in direct proportion to how low your self-esteem and self-worth is. A man who is not willing to reciprocate the relationship with basic respect for you as a woman is not worth trading your self-esteem for a few handbags and a spending account. After a while, that money won’t comfort you when he is publically playing you for a fool, ignoring your self-worth and treating you like money should keep you quiet and happy because how dare you not be satisfied with that?
Bottom line is, women like these women need to understand that they deserve better. It’s sad that in 2012 this type of mentality is still around. It was like I was watching the flip side of my post on loving yourself with these women showing that they obviously don’t put much value in their own stock. When you love yourself and realize your self worth, no amount of money, cars, or men with fame can come along and buy the rights to disrespecting you.
But, can it be argued that settling down with a man who has a great job, money and status and who provides for his family and doesn’t cheat is also a price to pay for being with that man?
Tell me your thoughts in the comments section