So far the year has been quite good. I feel more self-assured and confident. I wondered in the beginning of the year what my resolutions would be but I didn’t have any. I knew back in December that if I wanted my goals to be achieved I had to start from then so I did because I knew it would lead into the new year. Thats the rick. Don’t wait until the clock strikes 12 to start a new goal, start December first and make it a habit. It takes 4 weeks for a habit to become a routine so if you want this to be a routine start as early as possible and avoid the mind trap that every other person puts themself into my making resolutions for changes that takes time to happen.
Lately I have been feeling a bit weird. It’s not loneliness, it’s not really sadness its a “what do I do now”. I sat and asked myself and God why an I feeling this way. Well, the answer began to dawn on me. In all my reflection and wondering I spent too much time looking at my year gone past for direction on where to go now. I can’t look to my past for clues on where to go in my future. Sure its a good reference point but it won’t provide me a map and where to go next. So I stopped doing it because I realized how silly it was. Another thing that bothered me about looking back, was the person I saw in the past, the ex. I didn’t like it yet I wondered why he was there. Well, because I was looking back of course! He represents so much bad and nothing good and he also comes with sadness which I don’t need in my life right now.
Everyday, I talk on my bluetooth to my friend R on the drive home. As I pulled in I told her about the crazy feelings I had and I mentioned him. This morning as I sat and wished the weird feelings away, he again popped in my mind and I began asking myself, “if he was still in your life Bronze, would you be better off? Would he add any benefits to you more than you already have?”. Talk about a screeching halt to those feelings because my answer was a big “NO!” In fact, there is no value that he would have added. And as I thought about those words those weird feelings, disappeared and I didn’t think about him for the rest of the day.
I think sometimes we just need to talk it all within ourself and have a logical conversation with ourselves. Sometimes, its enough to snap you out of the nonsense for you to see the light. I understand now that my journey to living well, is much mental as it is what I say and do. Just like my goals I have to practice in order to be perfect. I have to acknowledge that my feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are and they are not the defining barometer of how well I am doing nor are they an accurate indicator of the reality around me. I don’t discount them but I have to pair them with knowledge too in order to get the best picture. I hope that makes sense. What do you think? Can feelings be trusted?
Hope this helps someone. Talk to you all soon