So I was sitting around feeling bad and sad about the Fall and being single. Fall is for lovers and I didn’t have one. This month would have been 4 years and I felt worse and worse the longer the days dragged on because last year this was the beginning (looking back on it of a downward slide into a shocking about-face about to come) of what would be the end. So I sit and without any effort on my part I find myself lingering back in memory lane and feeling sad about different images that flutter across my mind. I missed what I though I had, and the security I thought I felt. So ever since mid October I sat and I dreaded the “day” because it represented just a year ago the memory of looking at him across the table at our anniversary dinner, seeing the distance in his eyes and wondering why he seemed so disconnected when we were supposed to be celebrating 3 years together.
I don’t want to be trapped in the past and I don’t want to dread upcoming days either. He should have no such power of me or my life much less my emotions. So I’ve decided to celebrate my success, and growth this year by having an emancipation Day on that “day”. It really should be in December but I have plans for a happy month so there will be no room for that. I plan to get my girls together and go have some $6 drinks and $8 appetizers at a restaurant. Kinda like a Divorce party but with a light twist! I like that idea of the day being a celebration better than a sad pity party for one (me) because it takes pressure off that day and helps me to look forward to it instead of dreading it.
I also think its going to be that push to propel me further in my journey. What do you think?
Talk to you all later 🙂