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In my culture there is a saying passed down from the women to young girls, “It’s not the one you love but the one who loves you”. What they mean is, it’s not the man you’ve got your eye and heart on that you should keep chasing after blind to everyone else, it’s the one who likes and loves you is whom you should give a chance to. When I was young I pondered this because often the one who “loved me” was not the one who I liked at all. In fact, I was repulsed by him. Yet, the guy I had the major crush on, who was everything I wanted was not the one to even give me the time of day. Yet, the other guy, the one I wasn’t attracted to, was the one to do all the chasing and show way more interest and do anything to get mine in return.

And so it seems to happen in adulthood. The men I am really attracted to, are not the ones who show half as much interest as the one who I am not attracted to at all. Yet the unattractive ones persist and the one who is attractive plays it coy, cool and almost stand off-ish. Is there any truth to this saying? Is it better to go for the one who loves you then pursue the one you love? When you met your significant other, was it attraction at first sight? Were they the hottest person in the room who had an instant connection with you? Or are they unconventionally good-looking or not good-looking by society’s standards? Does beauty play a significant role in attraction or is attraction not quantified by the physical or not?

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