, , , , , , , ,

Hello all!


Post break up, I took everything that he bought me, clothes, shoes (I loved my Jordans I really did)m and jewelry and headed for the balcony. In my anger, and despair I had the intention of chucking it all over and watching it drift down into the powdery white snow. But my mother ran interference and salvaged a few pieces and stored them away then taking the other things and putting them aside while I wept into my hands; tears staining my blouse and skirt.

In a way I felt relieved because I just didn’t want them in my space anymore and I was glad to have them out of my closet and jewelry box. It was too much of a reminder of the person who had disappeared and did an about-face for no reason…at the time. Fast forward 9 months later and my mother calls me and tells me about her day at the jeweler. My mother is a curious type of person and took some pieces of jewelry to have them appraised for value. Since having cancer, material things don’t really matter to her anymore and she figured there was no reason to hold onto her once prized jewels that took up space and useless sentimental value. The stuffed teddy bear from Princess Margaret Hospital that I bought her while she was still in surgery now holds more value than the bangles and necklaces she once held dear.  They simply don’t hold much meaning to her anymore. Well, one of the pieces she took was a 14K diamond pendent necklace in  white gold that the ex bought me for our than 2 year christmas present.

As she opened the box and began her story I was transported for a moment back in time to that christmas when I sat in front of his family staring at me smiling urging me to open the little green paper bag. I remember wondering what it could be and having his rude sister interrupt my thoughts when she said, “it’s not what your thinking. Just open the box!”. Rude bitch! In any case, I looked over at him and he had an irritated look on his face and his eyes said he was annoyed but I didn’t know why he was or what I had to do with his annoyance. So with all eyes on me I opened it and marveled at the pretty pendant sitting on its black velvety platform. 

As if on cue, the rude sister exclaims, “it was expensive you know. He spent a lot of money on it”. I look over at him and he sits up straight like , “yea I did spend money. More than I wanted to” and I wondered if it was such an issue why he even bothered to spend it to begin with because I would have been happy with something that didn’t put a financial strain on him. But I didn’t want to be ungrateful so I smiled and turned the box around to show everyone what he bought me. They oooh and awww’d and I tried to put on the best smile I could even though deep down inside I felt like I was a spoiled brat getting a undersrved present when I didn’t know I had thrown a tantrum to demand it in the first place.

I snapped out of it and listened as my mother continued her story and told me that when she gave the jeweler the necklace and after analyzing it, he told her it was a fake and handed it back to her shaking his head. My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it. I asked her if she was sure and she said she handed it back and asked him to look at it again. She got the same answer. I was floored.

You know, in December when I told my good friend R about his sudden about-face, see ya later, you mean nothing to me departure, in tears I reminded her about the poem he wrote me for our 3 year anniversary that we celebrated just 2 weeks prior. She responded with the crazy idea that I should google the poem and see if he actually wrote it. After I got off the phone and pondered it for 30 minutes (because I still believed it was a horrible misunderstanding and I did something wrong) I did as she suggested and up popped the entire poem, word for word, written by some guy in 2007. In fact, the title of the website is called “great anniversary poems for the guys who needs something special last-minute”. Talk about a slap in the face. I remember asking him if he wrote that night as we exchanged cards and I gave him my gift. He gave me nothing in return and stared at me from the other side of the table with a look that told me I better not expect a gift. He later mumbled that my gift was dinner and the trip we had gone to the month before. The poem was touching and he told me he wrote it. So, couple this with the news that the “expensive” diamond necklace was fake painted a brand new picture of wrongs that this man has done that was completely unnecessary. Oh how blind my love was. How blind!!

I remember the necklace came with a slip guaranteeing that if a diamond fell out People’s would replace it (it came in a People’s box). Imagine my surprise should I have needed to take him up on that offer. A part of me wishes I had known this a few months earlier. I feel embarrassed that he did this to me and I was fooled for so long about it. A part of me asks how I could have loved someone who would do something so unnecessarily underhanded and disrespectful. The lies and deceit disgusts me. If I had any intentions of wanting to be with him before ,this would have erased them in a heartbeat. Knowing that I had no intentions makes me happy that I am leaving someone like that behind. It makes his cheating and subsequent tell off make that much more sense because he is an immature individual with no morals at all.

Everyone telling me that I am better off without him is more apparent now than it was when I first realized they were right. I can’t say it surprises me that much right now 1 day later as much as it’s just one more truth coming out after the fact of the type of person he was and currently is. 

I think this is a part of my journey. I needed to know the truth and it came at a time when it should come out. This news will just propel me further to living my life well and moving on to new horizons and leaving him and that chapter of my life behind.

Talk to you all soon