The old saying goes, “It’s not what you say but how you say it”
Sometimes, when your emotions are on high and you have had a moment to sit and stew in your own thoughts, when the first opportunity arises to voice your concern it doesn’t always come out without sounding angry, bitter and over the top to the person you are saying it to. Even if your message is valid, and your concern’s are justified, its easy for your message to get lost in the emotion. Which makes the above mentioned saying so true.
I had an encounter with a family member who is always emotionally high-strung. The opportunities were probably there growing up and into adulthood for them to learn how to communicate in a socially acceptable manner but they probably never bothered because they surrounded themselves with friends who were like-minded. Problem with that is, those friends didn’t act like that outside their circle. They “conformed” when they “had to” than let it all hang out when they were back in the circle. I put those statement’s into quotations because I don’t believe it. I believe those people knew how to communicate in a socially acceptable manner that didn’t piss off random people on the street, the office or their respective workplaces but a lot of times, when you have wrong-minded individuals, they like to spur on negativity in other people yet secretly believe and act in the exact opposite way should the same scenario occur, which is what I saw happen time and time again.
Well, this family member never picked on those things and decided their whole life to “keep it real” on what they thought, and who they were (dangerous things) all the time no matter who or where they were. They have alienated many people from themselves and if it wasn’t for the fact that they were family, many more would probably have done the same. Tonight, this family member decided to voice their concern in a rude, attitude filled 90 second tirade.
I stood and listened and took note of their mannerism, rude tone, and attitude and it disgusted me. Up until that point I was in a great mood till they came along and decided to tell me how they felt. Now was their concern valid? I don’t know, it was hard to hear much of it at that point over the rudeness but the few bits I did catch, if pieced together could make a argument of some sort if I was able to hear the rest. Those few bits I did hear though I didn’t agree with at all. So I listened and said nothing in response but op[ted instead to ask myself questions like,
” Bronze, are you feeling angry right now? If so than why? How can you separate yourself from this birage of anger and see it for what it really is?”
Once I asked myself that questions I realized their tirade was due to this person feeling scared about their illness and feeling helpless all at the same time. I get that. I understand feeling that way but I don’t think its ok to act like that and I don’t think its acceptable form of venting either. But that saying goes, when you are angry or hurt you take it out on those close to you. I reject that statement. I don’t want anything taken out on me. I am no one’s emotional punching bag just because they are feeling emotionally out of control. The fear and helplessness are things that due to their illness is understandable and deserves sympathy but the anger, rudeness, attitude and disrespect that its clouded in does not and it’s really easy to overlook and miss those things in the midst of it all.
It’s never a good idea to wrap valid emotions in a package of anger. The message never gets across and it only serves to alienate the messenger from the things they want the most; a sympathetic and understanding ear.
Till next time everyone!