I spoke about my friend ‘A’ earlier this week and her suspecting she is pregnant. Not only was it astonishing how she was throwing back the alcohol like it was water but she refused to find out if she was indeed pregnant. I messaged her yesterday to find out if she found out as yet. Well I learned a few things that has led me to my final decision to purge her from my life. I think separating myself from her is the best thing for me. She admitted to not only not finding out, but that she doesn’t care that she may be pregnant because either way, if she is, her DJ boyfriend will take care of it. I was stunned. If he can’t make a solid commitment to be with you formally, why would he commit 18 years to being a co parent with you?
I don’t get it. It’s like she is living in a dream world. Hanging out with her, the few times we have over the past 3 months, has really given me insight into her life and personality that I don’t like what I see. The drinking till she can’t remember, the drinking and driving, the reckless disregard for the possibility that he may be pregnant and still drinking anyway, the refusal to find out if she is pregnant, not doing anything to protect herself from this “unwanted pregnancy” if she is pregnant is crazy to me. When I brought up things she had said and done at the wedding reception, she laughed because she didn’t remember any of it. Instead she found it hilarious. I didn’t think any of it was funny but rather shameful.
Basically, the only conclusion I can come up with is that she doesn’t care about herself, or where her life is heading even though she says she does. She’s 27 and still partying and acting like she’s 18. She is the only friend I have who behaves this way and I want to be their for her but I am concerned that her lack of worry for her quality of life with adversely affect me and I don’t want that. I find that she moves in circles of people who are going nowhere in their life and therefore don’t encourage her to better herself. With my other friends, we encourage each other and help each other. But she wants no such help because she has accepted and embraced a world and culture (that’s not her own) that’s filled with negative people who are not going anywhere anyway. They are suspicious of everything and its an us against them” type of mentality which I don’t like.
I really like ‘A’, but I don’t want that kind of chaos in my life. She wants me to come to a party with her that she deems “classy” sometime this month but I am going to decline. She mentioned it at the wedding in between peeing and throwing back the wine at the table. The last time I went out with her to something she thought was fun, I felt uncomfortable and wondered what the hell I was doing there. I don’t want to lose a friend but I can’t shake the feeling that right now, the way her life is going, it’s not a good idea for me to be around her. I want to be surrounded by progressive people who are doing things and going places. Not someone who has no ambition. It sucks that I am saying that about her but as her friend, I can’t want whats best for her if she doesn’t first want it for herself. Her life right now is reckless and I don’t want any bad repercussions from that to affect me. There comes a time when you just have to make the right decision for yourself.
Have you ever had to cut off a friend who was living to reckless? Were you that friend?