About 3 months ago I signed up to a online dating website which shall go un-named. I signed up because I wanted to expand my dating pool and I figured while I am leading an outgoing lifestye, getting out and doing things, I could also use this site as a tool to connect with eligible men. I have never done online dating before so I was both fascinated and a bit scared about it.
Well, they had a great promotion and I was able to take advantage of it and have a paid membership for 1 month for little next to nothing. I was stoked! Soon afterwards I met a guy who lived in Edmonton, you might have read me mention him on her a few times before. He seemed like a cool guy and I was excited about him but something in my gut told me not to go there but I didn’t listen. I figured I would go with the flow and soon we were exchanging informative and fun messags back and forth. I liked him. He told me he was moving to Burlington this year to be closer to his family and start school as an electrical engineer. I believed him because I had no reason not to. Yet that feeling in my gut was saying, “Bronze, don’t do it”.
Well, time flies when your having fun and soon my month free membership expired and I was back to limited access which was fine because it didn’t interrupt our communication. Soon I started noticing that his pattern of communication was responding to my messages every three or four days and he had yet to ask me for my phone number. I thought that was a bit strange but I stll persisted with messaging him. Fast forward to mid August and I can’t shake this feeling that what he told me about being single might not be so accurate but I didn’t have any way to verify it with concrete proof so I continued as usual. But the evidence was there in the form of my gut screaming that something wasn’t on the up and up with this individual but not only that it was asking me questions like why after 3 months was he not asking you for your phone number? Why was he not progressing things past a few messages.
Well, last week I sat down and started doing some thinking about things. I thought about my journey thus far, my blog (love you guys) and being happy with what I’ve shared and with where I wanted to go in my personal journey. I also thought about the ex, how I was ready to leave that chapter behind for good and the men I was dating. I thought about how Europe and Muscle were weeded out of my dating pool by their actions. Than my thoughts moved to this guy and it dawned on me that after 3 months we were no closer to talking on the phone or moving forward than we were back in June. The time flew and I didnt even realize it. The last message I sent him was not returned during the normal 3-4 day pattern as normal. As the days went by I realized this may be the end.
In my head, I liked this guy and began to construct a pictures of maybe’s, hopefully’s, and could be’s instead of looking at it for what it was. I didn’t take myself off the market (thank God) but I certainly started directing energy of hope and exsclusivity into something with someone who was not directing that kind of energy towards me and showed me this with their actions. In essense, I constructed a fantasy in my head based on nothing concrete. It was my sand castle in the sky.
I’m glad this happened because it was an eye opener as to why I should
1) listen to my gut- it’s there for a reason and can save me a world of annoyance, hurt and pain if I follow it.
I think we don’t follow our gut ladies, more often than not, (ladies, yes I’m talking to you) because at the time when our gut is saying, “stop”, “don’t do it”, “walk away”, or “don’t go there”, there is no concrete ‘in our face’ evidence to suggest that these messages are true. In other words, we don’t see evidence before our face to substantiate the warnings. So we think we are being paranoid, closed minded, a prude (or insert any other self put down you can think of), ignore the red flags and step past go. Then, ineveitably end up in jail wondering how we got there. We got there because we ignored that little voice inside saying DONT DO IT!
2)Not take what somene says and ignore their actions. Actons speak louder than words
He was good looking, witty, funny and nice and I used those attributes to justify ignoring my gut further and tell myself those things were perfect to build a relationship. By than my gut was now communicating its warnings to my brain, which started asking me questions like, “are you sure he is emotionally ready to date?” and “Are you sure he doesn’t live with a woman?”. Your gut has a few ways to talk to you. If you don’t listen to it when it speaks in your heart, it will send messages up to your brain, which will take in everything around you and start asking you questions that you can’t ignore. It’s like when your a kid and you don’t listen to your mom and so she tells your grandma what you did. Now grandma is asking you tough questions in a way that only grandma’s can. Because it’s hard to ignore a grandma or a older woman figure in your life.
3) Not let my wants and wishes cloud what my eyes were telling me.
I was too busy closing my eyes and dreaming instead of keeping them wide openand believing what I was seeing. The fantasy did not match the reality and instead of ending it and moving on to someone else or another avenue of dating, I would faithfully check my email for his response and feel disappointed when my inbox was empty.
The good thing is:
I’m glad I didn’t blame myself or think there was something wrong with me as to why he didn’t reply back. The blame game has stopped and I am glad about that. Instead I sat down and logically thought it all out and came to these conclusions as to what I did right and what I didn’t do right. I made mistakes BUT it was a learning experience and that makes it a good thing. I can take what I learned here and apply it to the next person I meet and not build sand castles in the sky based on my wants and desires when the reality is quite the opposite.
Are you currently in a relationship with someone where your fantasy doesn’t match your reality? Have you previously ignored your gut and realized it was a mistake? Have you online dated before? Tell me your experiences
Ciao! Till next time Nos vemos!