I sat down and thought about everything with my cousin and asked myself why 2 days later her behaviour still bothers me. I think the reason is because I thought the world of her and now I have to deal with a reality that is the exact opposite of who I thought this person was. In essence I am coming to grips with the loss and accepting the reality of who and what she really is. Here are the things that I thought she was prior to her visit:
1. a stand up type of person
2. A fair woman who is humble and nice
3. Fun and outgoing
5. A good disposition about her
6. Positive and mis-understood
All of those assumptions were eliminated around day 2 of her visit. Not only is she judgmental, but she is rude, racist, hateful, miserable, self-hating, a hermit, contradictory, and she lies.
I also think she is they type of person who is so unhappy in her life that she seeks to sabotage, put down and criticize someone else that she see’s as living better than her. Hence the long distance calls on the phone without permission, the hand prints all over the mirror, trashing my room, putting down my city for attributes that any normal person would find commendable she found disdainful and annoying, the contradictory arguments that she baited me into only to reveal her own damaged mindset and expectations of herself and everyone around her. I think besides the famous Interracial relationship bashing that she baited me into twice but the Reggie Bush/Kim Kardashian wedding bash fest that she jumped into after seeing a commercial on tv really gave me a look at who she really was rather than the image or illusion that I thought she was.
So she bothers me because she is not the best friend I prided myself in having. She is not the good person I bragged to people about knowing and she is not the friend I thought I had. It’s a reality I have to face. I could go on and pretend that she is who I thought. But that wouldn’t be xxBonzeGoddessxx being true to herself. So I will let go of her. It sucks but sometimes in order to live well you have to wish some family members well and let them continue on their own path. I don’t want to be held back. I know she will be there for me but I don’t want to continue arguing with her or discussing intimate details of my dating life when she has made it very clear how she feels about certain topics. I don’t want to continue to defend myself and my lifestyle choices to someone who doesn’t even love herself enough to recognize when she is not being treated like the woman she deserves to be treated as.
You are the company you keep and as humans whether you give permission or not you are being influenced by the views, actions, and behaviours of the people around you. She is so super negative that I can’t in good faith align myself with someone and give them the title of best friend, which in itself means we are almost mirror images of each other, when that person is so opposite of what I expect, and desire in a best friend. Up until Sunday I told myself that I had a best friend in my cousin who just happened to be a family member, which for me was an added plus. Now the only best friend I have is God and myself and that is a pretty good deal in my books.
Have you had to distance yourself from certain family member due to their views, and behaviours? What made you do that?
Talk to you all later.