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I think I have figured out a pattern to the madness. G seems to contact me in 3 month stints. Each time I would have been feeling fine, and dandy than he comes by and drops the “hi, I wanted to see how you were doing. Let’s be friends”. It leaves me wondering and asking a lot of questions that neither of us can answer (him because he’s an ass clown) than I have to spend time to feel better, get over it and start feeling good again then he comes back around.

After his last “visit” I let him know that I can’t move on and still talk to him. So he said he will give me my time. I don’t want time. I want him to leave me alone. A friend of mine asked why do I have to open his text messages and read them when he contacts me and it was like an eye opening, common sense type of question that made me stop and ask why I open the text messages.

Maybe its curiosity to see if he wants me back after rejecting me. Or maybe it’s because I don’t recognize the number (which has happened) and I want to see who it is. So I’ve made a decision to maintain the No Contact Rule which states after a break up, the best way to begin the process of moving on one must cut all contact with the ex partner no matter what. Which means when he inevitably contacts me again I wont open the text message and I will delete it right away. I need to heal completely and I can’t do that if I leave the door open for him to contact me and be receptive to that contact when he feels like it. When he does it sets me back a few weeks in my progress. I can’t step forward then take 2 steps back and expect to get somewhere. This journey is about discovery of myself, what works and the types of insane self sabatoging behaviour that’s trapping me in destructive circles that needs to be eradicated from my journey.

I’m learning that I really need to take care of myself first before I can consider someone else’s feelings. I need to be well. Not half well, or ok-well but fully well.  I need to get over him than move on to the right person for me. My mind says but my heart is trying to comfort itself.

I have faith that both will be just fine.

This is my random musing about my heartbreak that I’m trying to sort through and move on from.

Ciao everyone