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Why am I so torn about everything? I went out last night with D43. Í enjoyed his company. We talked about a lot of things and the food was good. I like him but I have my reservations about him as well.
He told me he wants to date a different type of girl because he is used to dating girls who look pretty but have nothing else to offer and in turn aren’t looking for a steady long term commitment. He says he wants to commit to someone and have a family. I sat and listened and a whole bunch of questions came to mind about him and I wondered.
He was married before but isn’t a recent divorcee. He got married really young and divorced after 9 years of marriage when he found out his wife was cheating on him. So he had his years of fun and now is ready to settle down? I don’t know…
I haven’t heard from Muscle since Sunday. I think I’m going to write him off the prospects list. Too young, too busy and too reserved. Dating is about discovery. Its also very hard. Is it also supposed to be this confusing too?? I wish I had more answers. I feel lonely at times and I miss the companionship of having someone there but I don’t want to settle or string myself along either.
I found myself thinking about the ex wondering if he is having a hard time dating and if he is happy. I’m not wondering out of warm fuzzy feelings. I’m wondering out of resentment. That’s how I’m feeling lately towards him. Resentful. I can’t wait to feel all of the good in good bye. I also miss him a bit too but I’m still angry inside. Such a weird oxymoron eh? I don’t like it.
This is another day of trying to sort out this feeling of loss of companionship. I think it may stem from a fear of being alone. Maybe, if that’s the case, once I’m no longer afraid of being alone. Maybe it might be easier to cope with the companionship issue?? Maybe??

Oh well.

Talk to you guys later. ={