My friend decided to point out to me a fact that I was trying to ignore up until today. There has been no motion in the ocean, no action, no open sesame, no finger to play with the kitty in other words no dick action in my life since December. Sorry if your offended by the word dick but the title of this post should have been an indication of the content ahead. Well, I didn’t want to hear it but she wanted to point it out anyway. Up until today I figured if I ignore it then maybe it will go away. Sadly it’s not working.
Every hot guy that passes by seems that much sexier than normal and I cant help but think about sex ALL THE TIME! I think I need some action…
scratch that I know I need some action. Of some sort at least…
Maybe that’s why I nearly kissed Muscle (formerly known as Mr. Muscle) yesterday. Well, I contemplated wrapping my legs around him and my lips around his but that’s another story among other things I could see him doing. But I digress…
I feel torn about this. I miss companionship from being in a relationship and the easy access to free dick that comes along with it. But I feel confused about the other things that come with the perks of a relationship. I don’t think I am emotionally unavailable to anyone. I am open to meeting someone who I click with but I am scared about the process of vetting that person to figure out if they are an assclown like my ex or a genuinely good guy. While I figure that out I can’t engage in filler sex with anyone because sex complicates things. Sex clouds a womans judgement and endears her to the man attached to the dick thanks to oxytocin and other “bonding” hormones released with every stroke (Oh my…) and orgasm that she has(damn..).
I think I need to elaborate on the scared part of my previous statement. I’m scared and a bit resentful of the process of weeding out the idiots from the princes. I thought for 3 years I had the “one” even though deep down inside it felt like maybe something was missing but I didn’t know what that “something” was. I do know I was in love and then it all went away and the person who said “always and forever” left and offered me the crumbs of a “friendship” which was code word for “option” as in “just in case.”
I just feel scared and I don’t know if its me feeling that today or if it’s a indication of something deeper.
Maybe I’m still grieving. Actually I know I’m still grieving this break up to some extent but I also want to move on and date and have fun.
I guess I’m still trying to figure this all out.
But I do know that sex is not an option I want to explore. I don’t want to have a sex buddy that I will inevitably develop feelings for which will complicate things and delay my healing process. *sigh* I wish someone would tell my vagina that. Its sending hormonal messages up to my brain which my brain is turning into vivid images of dicks with girth, length, of every shade and thrust ability. Its nerve-racking because I don’t know anyone who possess such a *ahem* blessing. I even find myself looking at random crotches. I look at their eyes first then do a quick evaluation of their package and depending on how big it looks I either talk to them, smile or keep it moving.
Thats its! I need to buy a vibrator!
Good night ya’ll!